Welcome to my garden of thought.

For a more enjoyable and easier experience, I recommend using the 'Night Light' setting on your device :)

I also recommend you F11 (if you're on desktop) to full screen so you get a more 'immersed' experience

Here is some music I recommend for your stay (apologies if it's loud):

The 'purpose' of this website:

I guess the main purpose of this started out as just being a fun little thing to keep my entertained for a few hours but actually I'm really happy it's turned into my little project I keep returning to and as for this places purpose, I hope that at some point other people will view this and either find it interesting or they relate to something on it that gets them to think just a little bit. That would make me happy.

I hope you get something positive out of your visit :)

This is just my personal website because I found the idea of the 'indie web' and having your own personal website to kind of combat against the sterility of modern social media to be a good thing for me to do.

A little bit about me:

What my dream life would be:

Not so realistic answer:

My dream life would be to get my games design qualification, make a super successful game, make just millions off of it, enough to live off of for the rest of my life, and then I would buy a VW surfer van, convert it so I could live in it, make it super hippy with like patchwork blankets, loads of plants, I would just have my laptop, if it's possible to get an internet connection somehow then that as well. As for me, I would either always walk around barefoot or at least only barefoot shoes or walking boots, I'd wear only patchwork baggy trousers, a patchwork jacket and whatever for a top idk. I would have a walking stick that I took everywhere with me and I'd maybe have a pet dog or something, some kinda like bernese mountain dog and I'd just travel around different western countries exploring forests and nature and occassionally getting high on mushrooms every now and then. Someone to take along with me would be nice as well so hopefully a partner that I would stay with for the rest of my life. Then after I'd get to old or bored of that, I would retire to Hawaii and live out the rest of my life there.

Fairly realistic answer:

I get a partner at uni, get my games design qualification, I start working at a games production company, we both eventually save up enough money to move into a house togehter and then just live out the rest of our life, maybe have kids either through pregnancy or adoption I really don't mind, and just live a good life without any real financial struggles.

I just rlly like looking at this gif, I don't know why but it's very calming mixed with the song 'Show Me Up' by Lil Tecca.



About me/Personal stuff

About my gayness:

Sexuality:

I am very pansexual and the best way that I feel I can explain to people what being Pansexual is like, is that gender to me is on the same level of like requirements as someones eye colour to someone who straight when choosing who they wish to date.

Gender(or lack of):

In terms of gender, the term that people would use to describe what my feeling of gender is, is agender so no gender at all which is true. I do not feel any kind of gender is attached to me, not even in like an "oh I feel like an alien" kinda way, but more in the sense that, I feel free and detached from any kind of gender that might make me act a certain way or something like that.

Thoughts around gayness

I am currently writing this at 2:30am my time (BST) and I'm just thinking about how in the past I started off as being just bi, then I was a trans girl with the name Lilly, then I was a non-binary femboy using the name Adrian (the preferred name that I still currently use) and then I reached what I'm at now being agender non-binary. But I was just thinking about how when I was just bi, I never ever really thought about my gender or felt one attached to me even back then. Now I don't know whether that's because I just had never thought about it because I was uneducated or whether i really didn't feel one attached to me then. But leading on from not being educated, I really wish know that I had, had a much more I guess diverse friend group, not just in terms of sexuality or gender but also race, class etc etc.. I think I would have become a much nicer person a whole lot sooner.

Somewhat following on from that, one of my more recent good friends actually made me realise that I was just purely non-binary and specifically agender rather than being a non-binary femboy. My thinking used to be that I would literally split the word "femboy" up into "fem" and "boy", one being feminine and one being masculine and that created a balance kinda of 'justifying' why I saw myself as non-binary. However, they made me realise that really I was only calling myself a femboy becausse I would sometimes wear a skirt and thigh highs which are very stereotypical of femboys to wear, but what I realised was is that they literally are just pieces of fabric, they have no gender to them and I was wearing them just because I liked them and how they looked on me which was quite a nice feeling because having the new term for people to use for me of 'agender' felt very freeing because now I could tell people that and they would much better understand truly how I felt about my own gender.

I need to go pee brb



Bing's barefoot blog

new section just dropped oooohhhhh!!

Basically this part of the website is just going to serve as little diary enttries or whatever you wanna call them about me trying to achieve my goal of walking barefoot a lot more to get healthier feet which is a goal of mine because I think it would be quite grounding, good more for my health in general and also quite spiritual and good for mental health

  • 19/07/2025: I guess the first entry to this should be my current starting position. I walk around barefoot almost all the time at home and sometimes if I'm at a mates house for a party. As for outside, apart from like beaches and shit, I've only ever had that one time at the local park where I was barefoot on the climbing frame for a few hours which was really nice. As for going forwards, me and my best mate have been talking about going on a fair few walks in August so I'm just thinking fuck it and just do all of them barefoot, take some water and a small towel to wash my feet after and obvs take shoes to be in the car and whatever, but from the start of the walk to the end, just do the whole thing barefoot. I think my feet are already prepared enough from all the years barefoot at home to do it, I've also done a few physical tests to see my foot and ankle strength like flat foot squats and sitting just on your toes and walking on the outside of your feet etc etc etc and I'm more than comfortable doing all of them so I think fuck it I'm just gonna do it so overall I'm very excited.

    • The thoughts garden:

    1. The pinocchio paradox: Basically this paradox is just, what happens if pinocchio says "my nose is growing". This is a lie so his nose grows but then the statement becomes true so it stops growing and then statement is false again so growth and the question is, what would really happen if he said that statement. My theory is that pinocchio's nose would stop growing or shrinking and stay completely still, essentially breaking his curse of people always knowing whether he is lying or not through his nose. I think that once pinocchio found out about this, he would go rogue and abuse the fact that everyone still thinks that they can know when he is telling the truth and lying by his nose to manipulate everyone, causing chaos in his town since he can now truly lie without anyone knowing whilst everyone has full trust in him because they still believe that he has the curse of his nose. could make a good premise for a horror film if you ask me, could literally just call it 'The Pinocchio Paradox' or something like 'The Puppet That Could Lie' and maybe have it like some meatcanyon type shit.


      2. (just for the record, I ain't really fuckin with the vibes of this, Imma keep it here for authenticity sake but just so you know, I ain't fuckin with the vibe of it)

    2. This partly ties into my autism and what I would call 'autism ego' where to neurotypical people or just others in general but it makes sense to us in our heads but I feel like, when I think of what my mind looks like or what it looks like inside of my head, it's just like a deep space filled with stars and galaxies and planets and then I have my little floating bedroom with no walls or ceiling where I sit right in the middle of it, this sounds a little cringe, maybe even egotistical but I feel like I was a child born from the stars, maybe that's because my relationship with my parents isn't super close but yeah, I feel like a cluster of stars inside of a body, not to the point of like a schizophrenic person is fully convinced they are the next coming of jesus or anything like that, but I just kinda feel that way about myself, like it's some form of motivation to keep trying to be a better person and help as many people as much as I can and to the best of my ability. Maybe that also ties into my "agender'ness" I'm not sure but that's okay




    3. As I am typing this at 1:41AM on the 14th of May it has been 10 days since I made this page and I'm actually so surprised how many individual people have at least visited this site and hopefully read some of the things on it. I also wanted to write this because recently I've changed from saying "sleep well" to "dream well". I prefer dream well because sleeping is boring and guaranteed, dreaming is also guaranteed but good dreaming is when you remember a dream that was positive and that isn't guaranteed, also nightmares exist which are never nice to have so I like to wish people "dream well" because I don't see a point in wishing someone a good sleep when sleep is guaranteed, I do acknowledge that you can have good and bad quality sleep but then if you're dreaming that means you're having good quality sleep as it is so it is already implied that I am wishing you a night of quality sleep because you'll be dreaming. Dreaming is the part that could do with some wishful thinking because there is not a lot of control we can have over it.




    4. It is currently 1:21AM as I'm typin this out and I am a litt thatle under the influence lmfao, but I just to come on here and write a lil bit, first about the fact that today (16/05/25), I have officially left my highschool that I had been with for 7 years, I only have 4 exams to go into school for and then I am done. I am crazy excited for the summer I can just tell It's going to be so fire and that kinda leads onto the other thing I wanted to talk about and that, don't live for stuff like money or material shit, live for and chase better and better vibes in life, search for those having fun with your friends in a park at 10pm at night with the moon shining bright. Search for those sunrises and sunsets either listening to the perfect music by yourself or with a partner or friends. Those memories are the fckin things you're gonna live with for the rest of your life so don't ever waste an opportunity to make new ones. I love you all even tho there is way more of you than I realised that are complete strangers but regardless, I love you. (I also typed this listening to Cocaine Sunday by Eyedress, it is FITTING the vibe rn)




    5. I recently discovered something that has brought me a lot of joy and I found it from TikTok, it's more a combination of music and thought, can be with pictures of video as well but, it was a TikTok that had the Minecraft disc 'Wait' playing with adventure time clips and it just brought back such a nostalgic feeling I felt like I hadn't felt in years and it was so nice, the kind of 'liminal spaes' of the adventure time art work, the calmness of it, overall it was really nice so I've added the music to an audio player for you below along with some adventure time pictures and gifs to help give you an idea of the vibe. I'll also include the TikTok itself if you want to watch the original :)


      6. The Original TikTok



    6. "It's my mental interruption of how to see the two sides of the coin at the same time as seeing it as one whole coin" - Ruby. My best online friend Ruby said this and I'm still thinking about what it really means so I will keep you updated until I find how to translate my interpretation of what it means into words.




    7. Currently just got back from a very good end to an already special day, this morning (22/05/25) I finished my second and last A level English Literature paper which was a big thing for me because that was my weakest subject blah blah blah, anyway. I wanted to write a little bit about the idea of 'the healing properties of music'. Now I personally have two interpretations of what this means. My first interpretation is that due to my tinnitus, listening to music is literally the thing that temporarily 'heals' and helps me with it so in that sense music literally does have in some sense 'healing properties'. The other interpretation that I have is a lot more psychological and tied to emotions, where music for me can really alter my mood and thankfully I have a wide enough range of genres that I like to listen to that 99% of the time I always have songs that I know will have a positive effect on my mood and emotional state and also elevate good moods. So in that sense it also heals me mentally and emotionally. Also just a side tangent, recently as I've been trying to become more and more opend minded, I can actually feel a difference in terms of like my 'energy' and psychological state when my hands are open vs when they are closed. Sometimes I have to like remind myself to keep my hands open so that like "the energy can kinda pour off of me in an evenly distributed way" which sounds insanely hippy but that's the only way I can like describe the feeling.




    8. I just found out about an Elephant called Suda that can paint and it reminded me of my love for elephants with them being my favourite animals. They are just so unbelievably like us and are incredibly relatable for humans because each elephant has it's own personality just like us. Kind of also reminds me of how idk if it's an autism thing but I think that animals can like fckin sense that I'm autistic cause they always act different around me, calmer and more 'caring' like they can sense that I'm more kinda sensitive to stimulants and I can find it kind of startling if they are acting in an unpredictable way. I really like most animals common pets and would love to have a pet bird like a parrot or a budgie, I think that those kind of birds are just like the cutest things ever and I don't really know why, they are just so adorable and smart. That's one of my dream pets. The other I think would have to be a Bernese Mountain dog, I think they are really cute gentle giants a little like me I guess but that sounds a little cringe in my head when reading it. Overall, elephants are my favourite animals and I really think that most animals can sense my autism. I mean some dogs can smell Parkinson's so why the hell not?


      9. is so cute!

    9. It is currently 4:13am as I'm typing this and I just wanted to put in that as I was doing a little bit of breathing exercise/meditation that I remembered my first kinda like 'hippie' or like 'spiritual' experience and that was in Year 9 at school, it was mental health kinda awareness day so we had form time for the whole day and did a bunch of activities and it was period 5 for the last 20 minutes of the day we did some meditating where we put our heads down and some breathing exercises and I remember feeling oddly calm and my brain was a lot quiter afterwards and it was quite a nice feeling. Wonder how my life would be different if I had realised the significance of the effect it had on me back then. Quite a nice thought though.


    10. So it has been a decent while since I have added anything to this, It is currently 24/06/2025, 1:48am, I realise now that I had made it too inconvenient to add anything quickly to it that I wanted to but I finally found the effort to put it back to how it was before where it was simpler but still nicer and much easier to add thoughts to it. I have been finished with my exams coming up on a week in two days time which has been one of the nicest and most comforting feelings I have experienced. Since the first part of this isn't really thoughts and keeping on theme with the topic of 'really good feelings'. I'll give you a good bit of reading to do about a series of dreams.

      I've had a dream before about this place but the first time I dreamed about it, it was still a new town and there actually a fair few people there. Specifically (where I went in the first dream months, maybe years ago) which was this small-ish sky scraper sized in terms of width and depth of the plot of land that a skyscraper would take up mall complex. In the first dream there was a decent amount of people there and I rememmber breaking off from some kind of parents that I had in the dream and then finding this quiter area that was still under construction but had no workers on it and then I remember stumbling across this soft play room with purely trampolines on the first 'level' of the soft play. And then a small section at the very back left of the room with 2 warped walls like from ninja warrior and then there was another one on the 'bottom left' (looking from a birds eye view of the rectangular floor plan of the like converted kinda warehouse) there was another 'warper wall' that had 2 higher platforms right after it that took you too the upper section of the soft play where there was more parkour stuff with a couple boxes not as far out and then the kinda sloped 'ramps' where you would run and jump side to side from. Also the upper section, you were able to see down into the lower section because it didn't fully span the whole of the warehouse. In the 2 dreams I just had, they followed on this dream (June 7th 2025 is when I had these dreams). The first dream I had in the night was about being in school late at night, coming out and walking home in the pouring rain and then heade teacher (Mr B****) at my highschool pulling up sitting in the passenger seat of a very nice audio or BMW with another very important or upper class looking black man sitting in the drivers seat. I got in and Mr B**** was interviewing me and then we somehow ended up in London, driving on a road where we could see the London Eye and then this massive swing ride that looked like it was the biggest in the world by a mile and then the dream ended.

      The second dream I had in that night started with me walking around this town with no name, it was nice and sunny out with a gentle breeze and I was in the car with my mate Lucy and her mum Gemma, I was for some reason trying to direct them to my ex's house because I thought that this town I now realise I had already been to was the small fairly remote town that my ex boyfriend lived in. So I was directing them, and then they dropped me off outside of the small mall from the dream I had months/years ago. But in the dream I remember having the feeling of recognising it and in my head being like "omg I remember going to this place when it had first really openede" so I went in through the main entrance, turn to the left and see it's been kind of taken over and is now being maintained by children and teenagers of ages I would say 11 to 19 and I just immediately got the overwhelming sense of belonging, like I belonged with these other kids and teenagers living in this abandonned shopping mall in a town that was also seemingly abandonned. So I do some looking around, there's one bit where theres a small lab that I wasn't sure what was for, I remember walking up to the 'run down' elevators and seeing that they had tried to fix and power them again so I try myself to fix them but I quickly give up, then I walk over to the East exit/entrance and then just before I go through it I turn to face North and see the entrance to the soft play area again! apart from this time there is lots of kids and teenagers (some my age, 18) and I get kindly greeted by a 12 year old boy and then I go and bounce of the first floor for a little bit and then I go up to the top section and a 14 year old boy, sitting on a big wooden platform/box says rather sarcastically "are you embarrassed you struggled to get up here?", I laugh it off and then go over to where sloped ramps should be and see that some of them are gone and the upstairs small 'parkour park' was damaged and run down, so I go back downstairs and then some people follow me to the East exit of the shopping mall but I stop before I leave because I already had the feeling of that I belonged here and I had such an immense and truly wonderful feeling of purpose and that I was just meant to be there and that as soon as I stepped into that small. abandoned shopping mall that it was my home and that i never wanted to leave it and I was already fully intergrated into that small community who were living in there's ecosystem. And as I stop with my small group following me, we notice that there is a news reporter there with a news reported van like you'd see in movies, he's just by himself and he's setting up a camera and his microphone getting ready to record, se we sit down and watch him through the big glass windows and glass panel door, with my IRL mate Ashley just appearing sitting across from my little group trying to just subtle get out of view of the camera with Mr B**** also appearing with Ashley sitting next to her trying to keep out of the view of the camera and then the dream ended.

      If I could go back and re-live that dream but be fully awake and aware but I would also feel the same feeligs, I would take that offer in a heart beat because, that sense of belonging was unlike anything I had ever felt in my life and it was just the most blissful feeling ever that I can't truly put into words how much joy that feeling brought to me straight after I woke up from the dream, it was just like, the most euphoric and closest to heaven that I may ever feel. That specific feeling of belonging in unison with the community that I belonged to, was just, genuinely the best feeling I've ever experienced in my life hands down. Like, it was like a revalation to have. If I could ever find that feeling in my life again and experience it again, I would do anything to get it back because it was just incredible. I could with 100% confidence say to myself in that dream; "I am being completely true to myself in how im acting and I can with 100% confidence say that I belong here and have found my place in life and I couldn't be happier, this is my peak, belonging to this community in this place is my pinnical and it's my family now"

      My review/analysis of the dream: I wasn't just kinda like 'recalling' some random dream because I can do that, this one was different and unlike what i've experienced with dreams before, this one felt like it was linked with my identity in a way that is so deep that I don't think I can fully understand it.

      The meaning of the locations: I feel that the mall building itself and more specifically the play area maybe link to a few things in my life such as, the fact that I am close to being done with exams and getting my first good taste of real freedom. But I think it also represents a longing that I have for an alternate reality where we all just exist and are all equal and equally discvering the world and the wonders that come with it and the people in it. A place where I'm allowed to just be me and I don't have to label myself or answer any questions about who I am, no judgment, no roles, just universal 'inclusion'.In a way, I kinda long to be apart of a community that still has the regular 'imperfect-ness' but still very much thrives and is contempt with their own lives but still wants to explore their curiosities.

      'The Big Feeling': That positively overwhelming feeling of just pure belonging, complete authenticity to myself and having a purpose without condition was just the closest I've felt to my understanding of bliss and it's now a feeling that I want to experience outside of a dream and in the real world.


    11. Over the coming summer (side quest summer) I wanna learn how to do proper animation and maybe start a YouTube channel with these animations, see if it takes off or not because even if it doesn't it's a really good thing to have as something in your portfolio, even better if the channel does take off but regardless, being able to show creative flexibility.


    12. This is just a short one for now but I am currently on holiday, not gonna say where for obvs reasons people are stalkers (don't blame you) but hopefully soon I'm gonna be getting a patchwork jacket because town has a fair few hippie/stoner shops that if I remember correctly have a bunch of patchwork clothes that I will be purchasing because swag + autism swag :3


    13. This time I have an update, I finally got the patchwork jacket that I wanted, it is very comfy and has been bringing me a lot of joy already inspight of not having it for very long and also, I have recently discovered that you can check your sites stats and a lot more people then I thought have been visiting this place so if you new here then please stay as long as you like, message me on discord if you like (it'd be really nice to meet you :3) and if any of you reading this regularly check up for updates on this site then thank you so much for sticking around and I hope you get something positive out of coming here each time that I add a new update to the site.








    Here are some images I really like and I think fit me the best(my own little Pinterest :3):

    Image 1 Image 2 Image 3 Image 4 Image 5 Image 6 Image 7 Image 8 Image 9 Image 10 Image 11 Image 12 Image 13 Image 14 Image 15 Image 16 Image 17 Image 18 Image 19 Image 20 Image 21 Image 22 Image 23 Image 24 Image 25 Image 26 Image 27 Image 28 Image 29 Image 30 Image 31 Image 32 Image 33 Image 33 Image 34








    So I don't forget:

    Here's how you can make bold and italic text.

    (I love these people in particular)